Porcelain Regrets
by Charming-Storm
Summary: A story makes Catherine reflect on her own love&friendship ( G/C ) - -Completed !
1. Porcelain Regrets

Porcelain Regrets  
  
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Catherine tried to smile at the young woman sitting on the chair in front of her. The woman's eyes were red from crying as was her nose, and her pale face and the distant look on her face told the CSI, she was far from ready for questioning. She looked so fragile, like one of the porcelain dolls Catherine had seen once when she was little. Beautiful, but 'oh-so' fragile.  
  
She had to ask though.  
  
" Miss Layton, I'm so sorry for your loss " The woman didn't respond. "I..um. need to ask you a few questions" Catherine's voice was soft and friendly and she hoped she could get something..anything out of this witness without upsetting her too much.  
  
" I.. " The young woman slowly looked up at Catherine and drew in a shaky breath before she could continue. "I told the. police officer everything..everything I know"  
  
"I understand that you gave him your statement already but I need to know some other things, okay?" The woman nodded. "What was your relationship to the victim?"  
  
The woman sniffled at the mention of the word ' victim' and glanced away. "Dan was my..best friend. My love. ...He was my life" Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she stared out the window, wishing this was just a bad dream.  
  
Just when Catherine was about to ask Miss Layton if she should come back later, the woman spoke up, her voice trembling. "I never told him. I never told him how I felt." A faint smile appeared on her pale face and her watery eyes seem to sparkle for a second at the remembrance of the person she had just lost. " We used to talk. A lot. He always told me that sharing was a good thing. 'you shouldn't keep everything to yourself, Em' he used to say."  
  
Catherine listened carefully. Over the years she had questioned a lot of witnesses and suspects and had gotten somewhat immune. Not that she didn't care for the victims and the witnesses but being a CSI and doing what a CSI does, requires a certain professionalism. You had to keep your distance and don't get too emotionally involved.  
  
"I'm sorry I need to ask this, but I have to write this down. You were lovers or married?" Catherine blinked a few times, uncomfortable with the question herself, and her bright blue eyes reflected the compassion she felt for this young woman.  
  
"Friends. We've known each other since we were eight years old. We've been friends for twenty years and I never told him..I never got the chance to tell"  
  
Catherine nodded and looked down at the sheet of paper she was holding. The next question on her mind was even more disturbing than the last one, but in order to do this investigation, they needed to know as much as possible from the victim. "Do you know if your friend was suicidal? Had he been depressed lately?"  
  
"This is all my fault, you know" The woman didn't even bother to look at Catherine when she answered. Her voice sounded low, controlled..ghostlike. "I made him do this. All this time, I loved him and I never told him. I was so afraid. I was so afraid. I knew he felt the same way. He even told me, a week ago. He told me loved, had always loved me, will always love me."  
  
The same faint smile appeared on her face again, causing Catherine to think of the porcelain doll again. One wrong word and the woman would break. The CSI shook her head lightly, pushing some blonde locks from her face as she tried to focus all of her attention back on the woman's story.  
  
"You turned him down?"  
  
The green, red rimmed eyes widened and the woman nodded her head. " I was a coward. I thought..I thought it would ruin everything. What if it didn't work out and I would lose his friendship. I would miss his company, his jokes, his big beautiful smile...."  
  
Catherine tried that smile again. That reassuring smile she often gave people to let them know everything was going to be all right. But it wouldn't work this time. Instead, a painful grimace appeared on her face.  
  
"I never got to tell him. I didn't tell him about my doubts I just said 'no'. That simple. I broke his heart without giving any explanation as to why I didn't want to be in a relationship. And now..I've lost him. Forever. He didn't know..."  
  
Catherine just stared her. She couldn't help herself. The woman was still gazing out the window, watching the rain fall down outside his apartment. His apartment. The love of her life. The one she lost because she was too afraid to take a chance. Catherine swallowed. This reminded her of...someone. Someone she'd always...loved. Glancing to her right, a weird feeling came over her. He looked up at the same time, nodded at her and then went back to searching the bed for clues.  
  
She smiled back, then blinked a couple of times. This case had affected her, more than she had thought. It made her reflect on her own friendship. Her own love. What if she never got to tell him? It all became so clear to her : She needed to tell him, even if he wouldn't feel the same way. The incident a few weeks ago at a crimescene had taught Catherine that life was short and unpredictable. Instead of regretting something for the rest of your life, you should take a chance. Slowly getting out of her chair, she put her hand on Miss Layton's shoulder and pressed it lightly. "He knew. I'm sure of it"  
  
The woman nodded and watched the blond CSI walk up to one of her colleagues.  
  
"Gil" She crouched down next to him and smiled at her long-time friend for a second time. "After we finish up back at the Lab, with this case...could we.....talk?"  
  
He looked up, surprised. Frowning and even a little bit suspicious it took him a few seconds to reply. " Sure, Cath. What do you want to talk about?"  
  
"There's something I need to....share with you. Something that's been on my mind for a long time." She rose from her crouching position and, amused at his confused expression, leaned in and whispered, "Let's just say that I'm not a coward and ...I don't want to end up a porcelain doll"  
  
If you want him to be the very part of you  
  
That makes you want to breathe  
  
Here's the thing to do Tell him that you're never gonna leave him  
  
Tell him that you're always gonna love him  
  
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now I know something about love  
  
You gotta take it and  
  
Show him what the world is made of  
  
One kiss will prove it If you want him to be  
  
Always by your side  
  
Take his hand tonight  
  
Swallow your foolish pride, and...Tell him  
  
  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I haven't written in a long time so please review and tell me what you think. Also, if I made any spelling mistakes; blame it on me being Dutch and..18 years old, LOL. 


	2. The Right Time

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Disclaimers : CSI & etc. are not my property. CBS, Jerry & Anthony own them. Thanks to : Allison for your support and for beta-ing my fic. I really couldn't have done this without you, girl ! Also, thanks to the Graveyard shift groupies. I love reading your fics and thanks so very much for your kinda reviews and support. Also : lyrics by The Corrs. Songs : The Right Time and Intimacy  
  
- The Right Time -  
  
~ This is the right time, once in a lifetime,  
  
Keep it going, let's not lose it, feel the flow,  
  
Oh, flying free in a fantasy, with you I'll go ~  
  
  
  
When was the right time to tell him? After driving back to the Lab in the Tahoe, they chatted, but mainly about the case. There was still work to be done and, unfortunately, they were the ones to do it.  
  
So, Catherine had tried to forget about ' the talk' and focussed all of her attention on the evidence. She went from Greg's lab to the autopsy, never failing to avoid Grissom, keeping herself as busy as possible. Of course, work didn't prevent her from thinking about what could happen.  
  
* * * She went into his office, hesitative of course. He was quietly reading some files and as soon as he looked up, she blurted, "Gil, I have to tell you something. Now, I don't want you to get scared or anything but..I..I love you." At first, he looked shocked. But then, that sweet, soft smile of his appeared on his face, he got up from behind his desk, wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned in to kiss her.* * *  
  
In her office, Catherine snorted out loud at the scenario playing in her mind. "Yeah right, like Gil Grissom would ever do a thing like that", she mumbled while rustling through some papers. "Get a grip already, Cath"  
  
~ This is the right time, once in a lifetime,  
  
Now something has entered my mind, shattering all of my thoughts,  
  
It's no good, it's just one big waste of my time,  
  
but what can I do to recall? ~  
  
"Are you all right Catherine?"  
  
"Grissom!" Catherine nearly jumped out of her chair in shock. Her pale blue eyes were filled with shock and surprise as she just managed to squeeze out, "How long have you been standing there..listening?" Grissom frowned at Catherine's sudden uneasiness. Would it have anything to do with her wanting to talk to him? Maybe it had something to do with the case. He immediately began to apologise, "I'm sorry, Catherine, I didn't mean to scare you." He glanced around her small office, then added slowly, "But you said you wanted to talk?"  
  
She sighed. "Yeah. I did. I mean, I..do want to talk, Grissom."  
  
Grissom watched her with interest. He was both curious and worried, because with Catherine you never knew. Maybe it was about Eddie, maybe she needed some time off, maybe it was something a little more innocent or maybe.she wanted him to open up again. He pulled the chair that was standing in front of her desk to him and sat down. While he watched Catherine struggle with her words he suddenly realised that this was one of the first times he had ever come to her office and sat down in front of her desk. She usually made the 'house' calls, not him.  
  
" Gil..?"  
  
He snapped out of his reverie and caught Catherine staring at him with concerned filled eyes. "Yes?"  
  
"Something happened today that really made me....well, it kinda opened my eyes." Her fingers were nervously fumbling with a button on her blouse and to make herself look more secure about everything, she eventually placed her hands on her hips."Did you listen to that woman's story? The guy that committed suicide, he left behind a very good and loyal friend."  
  
Grissom shook his head in a silent 'no' and listened intently to Cath's story as she started to pace around behind her desk.  
  
"At first, I didn't know why her story got to me so much. I mean, I've dealt with the family and friends of victims before with cases who were actually a lot worse than this one. I thought to myself 'why am I being so unprofessional?" Catherine stopped pacing around for a moment, and smiled a crooked smile. "She reminded me of something from my childhood. A porcelain doll. Fragile and..so breakable. I don't want to end up like one"  
  
She glanced at Grissom to try and find out what he was thinking or feeling, but there was a blank expression on his face. "That woman and her friend.what they had, Gil, it made me think of us. We've been friends for so long, we know about each other's past, we respect and trust each other. And that woman. She never got to tell her friend how she really felt. She lost him without ever getting the chance to confess her love. He never knew how she really felt."  
  
Grissom only blinked a couple of times and Catherine sighed. "I know you're probably thinking I'm getting sentimental again or something. But, Gil.." she lowered her voice and found enough courage to look him straight into the eyes. "After what happened a few weeks ago, at that crime scene. The atta.incident. Life's to short. You never know what it will bring you. And, hell, if life gives me someone to love I will take that chance!"  
  
She knew she was rambling again because Grissom was frowning and that familiar wrinkle between his eyes had appeared. "I'm sorry, Gil. I just need to get this of my chest. If I'm not making any sense, just stop me"  
  
He was staring at her intently.  
  
"Gil? Something..wrong?"  
  
He narrowed his eyes and focussed on her lips.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise. Your.hearing." With her index finger she pointed at her own ear and tapped it twice.  
  
He nodded and looked down. Ashamed almost.  
  
Catherine immediately went over to him and kneeled down in front of Grissom, taking his hands in hers. "We will just wait until it passes, Gil" she told him, speaking as clear as she could so he'd able to read her lips.  
  
After spending ten minutes in silence in Catherine's office, Gil Grissom softly spoke up, "I'm back"  
  
Catherine smiled at him warmly. "Good."  
  
"So, now you want to tell me? I followed the best I could but."  
  
Catherine shook her head and smiled again, still in crouching position in front of Grissom. "It all comes down to one thing, Gil. That I love you" After a long pause, he opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, "It's okay, if you don't feel the same way, you don't have to say anything"  
  
She turned her back to him and while getting back on her feet, heard him softly whisper "Me too" Catherine froze dead in her tracks, opened her mouth in surprise and turned around, not believing her own ears. "you what.?"  
  
Grissom rose from her chair and after pulling her to him signed " I-love- you" He was rewarded by one of her biggest and brightest smiles ever as she put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. Smiling back at her, he added, "I don't like those porcelain dolls either"  
  
  
  
~ We come into this world alone  
  
From the heart of darkness  
  
The infinite unknown  
  
We're only here a little while  
  
And I feel safe and warm  
  
When I see your smile ~  
  
  
  
* * That was it. The End. Last Chapter. *Grins* Hope the Graveyard Shift groupies liked it * * 


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